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How to stop negative self-talk

Experts estimate that we can talk to ourselves as much as 4,000 words per minute!

Our inner voice can be useful by keeping us safe or reminding us where we left something but what if most of that inner chatter is negative? How do we stop negative self talk?

First of all, we need to become aware of that inner voice and whether it is predominantly negative or positive.

Are you aware of how you speak to yourself in your head on a daily basis?

Notice if that voice is largely positive or negative.

For many of us, the default inner voice will be negative. We may tell ourselves we are not good enough, not clever enough, always getting things 'wrong'.

Being aware of our inner voice is the first step to changing this negative self talk to positive. The tone of our inner voice is generally set in childhood because when we are children we generally absorb the messages about ourselves from our parents.

If an adult told us we were not good enough and compared us to others, we will internalise that pattern and repeat it on a loop to ourselves as adults.

It may be as simple as a look of disgust or disapproval from an adult that sets off this negative loop of self talk for life. Or it may be a negative experience at school with a teacher or an experience of childhood bullying that we repeat in our heads unconsciously.

Fortunately, we can undo these limiting beliefs once we are aware of when we are engaged in the negative self-talk. The first step involves becoming aware of when we are speaking negatively to ourselves.

Notice on a daily basis what you are telling yourself-write down these beliefs and you will notice patterns.

I highly recommend listening a a Youtube talk by Paul Solomon called 'Self Talk' where he explains how we can change these negative beliefs over to positive using a simple exercise- click here to watch the clip (long but worthwhile!)

Replacing the negative thoughts with a positive mantra that brings up all of your skills, abilities and positive beliefs about yourself is a simple and effective way to overcome this habit. The clip from Paul Solomon explains how to do this and it works very effectively.

EFT and psychotherapy also help us to identify the habitual beliefs and challenge their truth in our lives.

Psychotherapy helps us to heal the original wound from our past and live more fully in the present.

If you are a parent, filling your child's mind with messages about how good they are just as they are is vital for lifelong physical and emotional wellbeing.


To book a psychotherapy session with Nicola Hogg (online and in person sessions available), click here:



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