How to cope with a breakup

When you're grieving the loss of a relationship, you will deal with a rollercoaster of difficult and hard-to-handle feelings.

The depth of the loss you feel will depend on the meaning the person held in your life. If you were together for many years, you depended on the person for lots in your life and you had significant future plans with the person, the intensity of your emotions will reflect these factors.

Dealing with the breakdown of a relationship or marriage ranks among the most stressful events we can experience in life. Many people come for counselling to help them deal with the emotional stress of a relationship breakdown- whether it is a short-term relationship which ends in heartbreak or a long term marriage breakdown, the stress of a breakup can affect people in many ways.

1. Don't try to distract yourself one hundred per cent of the time and bottle up your feelings.

   
   

   Make sure to take some time to feel the feelings of loss and talk about how you are feeling to understanding family and friends.

   
   

   Remember it is not just the loss of the relationship you are grieving but the future plans you had made together also.

   
   

   If you do not feel comfortable talking to those who know you well, it may be a good idea to seek some professional help via your G.P or counsellor/psychotherapist. A person outside of your immediate circle of family and friend's can often point out areas outside of your current awareness and help support you at this time.

2. Make a list of things that make you feel peaceful or happy.

Perhaps before you were in the relationship in question, you used to love going to the cinema or playing a team sport. Use this time to reignite your passion in your interests, even if that means taking up new past-times.

Think about the things that help you to relax-going for a walk, listening to music, meeting a close friend, reading, watching comedy etc.

Make sure to incorporate these into your routine even if your mind cannot completely switch off and avoid relying on alcohol or drugs to get you through this time. 

3. Give yourself time to grieve- a relationship breakdown is a loss experience.

Understand that it is OK to feel sad and grieve the relationship whether it was good or bad for you.

Give yourself the chance to cry and you will move through your grief rather than push it aside.

Although you may believe that you will always feel sad, trust that the intense sadness will end at some point..if you allow yourself to feel it now.

Crying is the way humans process grief so remind yourself that when you have a cry, you are releasing more of the grief experience.

4. This is not a time to make big decisions.

When we are grieving intensely, it is best to avoid making sudden decisions.

Allow extra time for self care and be kind to yourself.

You may feel more tired than usual and lethargic as grieving a relationship takes up a lot of energy.

If you feel unable to cope and you need extra support, talk to your family and friends and you can also speak to your G.P/counsellor for advice and support.