Choosing Your Circle

Choosing the circle of people you surround yourself with in everyday life is very important.

Although we may have little to no control over who we are in the company of at work during the day, who we choose to spend our free time with is crucial for our wellbeing.

The people you surround yourself with on a regular basis has a major impact on your wellbeing.

Have you noticed that if you were in a room with someone who is angry (even if they are not communicating the anger), you may feel their tension and emotion in your body? Equally, when you are around someone who is generally positive, optimistic, fun, you feel safer and lighter in yourself.

Our nervous systems resonate with those around us.

As human beings, our system is designed to notice danger in order to keep us safe.

A person seething with anger or stress transmits this to those around him or her, even when they control their behaviour.

Have you ever noticed how the mood in a house or office can drop or how everyone tenses when a person comes in who brings negativity and stress with them everywhere they go? 

I like to use the analogy of a goldfish in a bowl full of dirty water. You can take the goldfish out and place it in a bowl of clean water for a few hours of the day and the fish will thrive there during that time. However, if in the evening, the goldfish has to go back into the bowl of dirty water, all the benefits of having been in the clean water disappear and the fish struggles to feel well.

Similarly, if you are in a difficult or toxic relationship and swimming in the bowlful of dirty water, it will negatively impact on your physical health and mental wellbeing over time.

Try to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe emotionally and physically as much as you can.

Limit your contact with people who live off drama and anger.

Spend time with the people who feel calming to your nervous system.

Notice how contact via your phone or social media impacts you with certain people.

What boundaries can you put in place in order to limit your contact with certain people?

How can you increase time spent with people who feel nourishing and safe to your nervous system?

You are allowed to choose to control who has access to time with you.

If you find it difficult to place boundaries with people, psychotherapy can help you to reduce people-pleasing and start prioritising your wellbeing. 

Click here to book a session with Nicola

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