When being the strong one becomes exhausting

Over time, being the strong one can become exhausting without us even realising.

Sometimes, stress builds quietly while we continue to do everything expected of us.

We may have always been the one to continue functioning over the years through stressful times so it can feel like a shock when we hit our personal limit. 

I see this in the stories people share in the therapy room.

It can be the person managing a business, leading a team or carrying significant responsibility at work.

It can equally be the parent juggling family life, the person caring for an ageing parent, or someone trying to keep everything together during a difficult period.

It is often the case that someone comes for therapy because they have been doing this for years, maybe even since childhood. 

Though the life circumstances may be different, people who are exhausted from being the strong one will often say things like 'I can't afford to fall apart. Too many people depend on me.'

If you are someone who spends your days making decisions, solving problems and looking after others, you can become very good at ignoring your own needs.

You might tell yourself that you will rest when you go on holidays or when a project is complete and things settle down, that you will look after your own needs when you have more time and generally, the time never comes.

Life continues to demand more of you and then something gives- you may start having difficulty sleeping, being irritable with loved ones, feeling anxious or panicky and having difficulty switching off.

Though you may be still delivering the same things, you start to feel depleted on the inside. 

Ask yourself if you measure your self worth by how much you can carry and how much you can tolerate?

Can you feel good about what you contribute to others without sacrificing your wellbeing?

Are you too available to people around you? Being a good leader, partner, parent or friend doesn't mean having to manage everything alone.

Are there things you could start to delegate to others so you are not doing it all alone?

A useful starting point is to ask yourself about the invisible load you may be carrying:

What am I carrying at the moment that nobody else can see?

Give yourself the chance to acknowledge how you are really feeling.

Can you ask for some support to help you with how you are feeling?

That might mean talking honestly with someone you trust, setting a boundary, taking a proper break or seeking professional support.

To book a session with Nicola, click here