Recognising codependency in relationships

Many of us want to be kind, helpful, and caring in our relationships – and there’s nothing wrong with that. But sometimes, we can become so focused on another person’s needs that we lose sight of our own. This is often a sign of codependency, and it’s more common than people think.

Codependency is when someone relies too much on another person for their sense of identity or self-worth.

In codependent relationships, one person often plays the role of the caretaker or “fixer,” while the other may struggle with things like addiction, emotional instability, or simply being overly dependent themselves. People often try to control their partner without realising that they are doing so or the reasons why.

You may be in a codependent relationship if you regularly feel responsible for your partner’s emotions, moods, or actions (and you feel greatly impacted by your partner's emotions and moods).

You often put their needs above your own, even when it hurts you.

You fear being alone or rejected, so you tolerate behaviour that makes you unhappy.

You struggle to say “no” or set healthy boundaries. You feel guilty when you take time for yourself.

Many people in codependent relationships aren’t aware of it at first. They may think they’re just being loving or loyal. But over time, they may start to feel drained, resentful, or anxious — often without understanding why.

Change is absolutely possible. And therapy can make a huge difference.

In my psychotherapy practice, I work with individuals to help them understand their relationship patterns and where they come from.

Often, codependency stems from early experiences – perhaps growing up in a family where love was conditional, or where people were expected to “keep the peace” at all costs.

Many of us were the 'good girl' or 'good boy' growing up as a way of keeping the peace.

We explore those patterns in therapy in a safe, non-judgmental space.

It can come as a huge relief when we realise, we cannot control other people, and we can stop trying so hard.

People can learn how to set healthy boundaries, build their self-esteem, and develop more balanced relationships – where both people’s needs matter equally.